


Make Captain America Great Again

by scarynoodles



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: Steve Rogers #1, Gen, bashing of bullshit, but it's still more accurate than hydra cap, canonical characterization, hydra bashing, i just thought it would be funny, i say canonical characterization but there's possible ooc-ness, im sorry, im sorry about the trump title, listen i am fucking PISSED, mentions of Daddy KInk, my first fanfic and of course its about this, say no to HYDRA cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6972946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarynoodles/pseuds/scarynoodles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i wrote this at midnight, but whatever, its still better than whatever marvel's putting out.</p><p>~first fanfiction, please read and review. no flames please~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Captain America Great Again

**Author's Note:**

> The "first fanfic please don't flame" shit was me making a joke by the way, because I'm pretty sure someone's not going to get it.

“Hail HYDRA,” said Steve Rogers as if this was totally normal for him. For a second, a thought ran through his mind: _What am I doing?_ But he shook it off, because that’s what a good character who listens to Daddy Marvel would do.

Suddenly, Dr. Selvig who was somehow transported from the MCU, spoke, despite the gag in his mouth. “What the hell are you doing, Captain Rogers? This isn’t like you.”

“Hail HYDRA,” Steve said again because he was broken. Nick Spencer had broken him in his attempt to bring Cap back. Great going, Nick Spencer. “Hail HYDRA,” he said, because we hadn’t gotten it the first two times.

He stood there for several more minutes muttering to himself, during which Selvig managed to free himself and escape. (They were in a plane, but if Marvel can ignore all of Captain America’s history then I can ignore this one fact.)

The first thing Selvig did is run to Sam. At this point, the writer is not sure what’s going in the Marvel universe because she’s still confused about Secret Wars and Civil War II (which is also bullshit!) and the All-New, All-Different rebranding, so forgive her if she makes up stuff. (At least it’ll make more sense than HYDRA Cap. Age of Ultron was better than this.)

“Sam, you’re the only good Captain America now!” Selvig cried. “You have to help!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sam said, and so Selvig explained.

“Bullshit,” Sam said when he was done. “Cap would never do that because he’s a good person and obviously not a HYDRA double agent.”

Just then, a portal opened and MCU Steve popped out. “I heard about the trouble and I’m here to show my alternate self just what Captain America is supposed to be like.”

“Wait, so it’s true?” Sam asked.

“Of course it isn’t - he’s just been hit by a case of bad characterization,” MCU Steve soothed. “Everyone suffers from it every once in a while. My Tony’s only good characterization came from the first Iron Man and it took my own movie for the problem to be fixed, a full eight years later.”

So they went back to the plane or wherever the hell fake!Cap was, the author doesn’t really care. She’s tired and her left arm hurts.

“Wow,” MCU Steve said once they found fake!Cap. “You’ve really let yourself go. I can’t believe this.”

“Hail HYDRA,” fake!Cap said.

“Listen, I would say I’m sorry for this but I’m really not,” MCU Steve said and smashed his shield in fake!Cap’s face patriotically and heroically because Steve Rogers is a hero, not a villain!

Fake!Cap, or should I say real!Cap, blinked and shook his head. “Wow. That really hurt.”

“You deserved it,” MCU Steve said.

Real!Cap thought back to his last few actions and agreed. “Thanks for saving me. I know now what Captain America is really like.”

“Don’t let the bad characterization get to you,” Steve said. “Next time you think it’s happening, ask for help. Maybe Tony. I don’t know. Didn’t he go through that Superior phase? Or Bucky because he’s supposed to be your bestie.”

“Okay,” real!Cap said.

“I must go now,” MCU Steve said.

A portal opened behind him. Sam and Selvig and real!Cap were all brokenhearted.

“Please, Steve!” real!Cap cried. “Don’t go! What if it happens again?”

“It won’t because you’re Captain America and Captain America is a good guy,” Steve said. “But just in case, next time Cap goes through a HYDRA phase call me. Oh, and by the way, just get over whatever you’re angry about with Tony. It’s really not worth the pain fighting with him,” Steve said. And with those wise words, he disappeared back into MCU land which is still bad but not as bad as this.

Great job, Marvel. You managed to make things even worse than thought possible.


End file.
